During a conversation with a coach from my insurance company – yes, my insurance company! They have a program where a counselor calls to coach you through healthy decisions. So, during this conversation I realized that time doesn’t work for me. I remember days as weeks, weeks as months, months as yesterday, last year as last week. I’m surprised it’s been 10 months since the mental illness exploded and I ended up in the hospital. I’m surprised that I’ve made the progress that October’s outpatient therapy said I would. I’m surprised that I’m a different person this summer than I was last fall (set aside the pastor persona to embrace a new me).
But unless someone like the coach points out what I said in the past, I’m unaware of these drastic changes. I don’t notice that I’m coping with my daily healing schedule differently now than I was two months ago. (That I find it boring is progress!)
This week as I expressed distress and malaise, my coach, and several friends, suggested I lean into the slow work of God. In the past few months this phrase hasn’t even made sense to me since life seems to drag along. But this month, with progress evident, I can believe and know this phrase in a different way. I needed to see to believe that I can trust in the slow work of God. What a gift to get to see the slow work of God! All because my therapist and my coach were able to point out the progress I’m making.
So, today, I’m leaning into the slow work of God, the feminine divine who gives birth to healing and wholeness though it’s often slow, yet always in due time. The task is to stay in the moment and trust in the slow work of God. To do that, my coach reminded me of the breath prayer begun by the desert fathers and mothers. On the inhale to breathe in “Jesus Christ, Son of God” and on the exhale “Give Me Peace” or joy, or have mercy on me. You could even do it as “Jesus” on the inhale and “Joy” or “Peace” on the exhale. The suggestion lead me to tears, so I know I need to do it.