I am again weighing the pros and cons of going in the hospital. My support network is all over the place. I hear one voice who is all about being rational and logical and fiscally responsible. If I can bear it using my skills then stay out. I hear another voice who says she can see it in my eyes that it’s time for the hospital. I hear another voice who reminds me to give myself credit and work on my skills. I hear yet another voice wishing they knew how to help and encouraging me to go in the hospital if I need it.
All of them seem to be asking me, “Do you need to go in the hospital?” And I feel like screaming back, “I don’t know!” I don’t know how much longer I can bear this pain and these visions of hurting myself. I don’t know how strong my skills are and how tough the ‘as needed’ meds are to outweigh the constant pain I’m in. What is the cost of staying out of the hospital? Am I strengthening myself by stretching my skills or going through unneeded pain when there is a safe place waiting for me?
Help me weigh the pros and cons, and add more below if you can think of some.
Pros of going in the hospital: professionals who know how to deal with this, my doctor present daily to adjust meds if needed, a safe place to ride out these feelings.
Cons of going in the hospital: potential financial burden, shame of not doing it on my own, and going back in the hospital for the 4th time in a year.
Pros of staying out of the hospital: pride in handling this crisis on my own with skills I’ve learned.
Cons of staying out of the hospital: may have received needed skills or a boost in skills in the hospital.