Triduum Passing

So far I’m making it through Triduum okay. I’ve been chatting with friends online and in person. I went to my NAMI support meeting last night. I’m going to a movie tonight. I’ve been reading my books about women with bipolar. We’re not changing our eating habits for the three days… I’m not attending services… I’m ignoring, for the most part, the activities of all my pastor friends this week… [Sorry everyone! There’s quite a lot of  you!] I’m making it so far.

I had a wonderful conversation with several friends on Twitter this morning, about the struggles we were having with Holy Week this year. A very refreshing conversation to know others were in similar places from their former places of leadership during this time of the liturgical year.

Out of one of the conversations about religious experience came the thought, yet again, that all of my religious experiences may not have been mania, but divine moments as well. I haven’t figured out the difference yet. So, I agreed it was time to take a new opportunity to write about the experiences and see where some understanding could be. It would seem I would need to talk with someone who knows quite a bit about both mysticism AND mania. I know they can go together, yet I don’t know if they have for me. Maybe they are one or the other.

Another opportunity to write also came up, an opportunity to write with someone. I’ll remain cryptic about that for now until we see what actually comes of it.

Onward through this season! I’ll make it through to the other side of Easter.

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2 responses to “Triduum Passing

  1. Your writing is as awesome as your experience, written from a place of hope you may not be able to embrace at the moment, but hopefully soon. It must have been heartbreaking not to be able to celebrate the very core of our Christian life during Holy Week. I hope that you will soon be able to attend worship. I understand why it causes you so much anguish. I was serving in hospice ministry when I learned that I was bipolar, so I did not have a similar response. I am so glad you are taking care of yourself, knowing that for the moment, but only for the moment, you cannot celebrate your faith in worship because it not only creates great anxiety, but a sense of loss as well. There are mystic moments that come from mania, but there are others that come from our connection with our souls, the souls of others, and the soul of Christ. There is such great spirituality from practicing Qi Gong, as one starts with grounding themselves. Perhaps you are familiar with the Chinese teaching that says a journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step?I have learned that a more accurate translation begins with the ground beneath our feet, and you and I know how important it is to stay grounded. So stay grounded before stepping out and allow the Spirit to move you forward. For me it does not matter whether my mystic moments are expressions of my mania or of my spirituality. I claim everything that is good no matter where it comes from. And you are a blessing to me, my new dear friend. I look forward to walking together through this journey of exploring what it means to be bipolar.

    • Thanks for reading, Marnie! It’s good to have a new companion as well. I’m able to attend worship on non-Holy Days or special occasions, and I’ve been able to volunteer a bit at church in handbells, choir, and the office, at various times. I’m not completely divorced from my faith. I’m still going through the motions, and hoping for some sort of experience or feeling to show up. I don’t know when and where!
      I like the idea of claiming everything that is good, no matter where it came from. I’ll try that for a while.
      Thanks again!

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