No New Med Changes!

I saw my psychiatrist today and had a great conversation about side-effects (tremor and hair loss) and the suicidal thoughts I’ve been having, which are probably due to stress and transitions with Dave and my mom.

What feels like A-Mazing news is that my meds didn’t change! Not even an increase or decrease of the meds I’m taking. It took about 18 months to FINally get a cocktail that seems to be working. That plus I’m only seeing the doc every month instead of every couple weeks for a med tweak means it’s like I can see stability around the corner now.

What is interesting is that part of my suicidal thoughts situation is that I don’t get inspired by anything or a mood lift from things that used to make me feel better. Example: music. Songs about feeling good about life or happy events or that life is worth living don’t faze me at all, and almost make me angry because they don’t express my reality at all. SIGH. I wish they did. They used to inspire me in some way, but no more. Same with tv, movies, books. Even conversations. It just doesn’t describe my reality, when right behind the eyes I still have thoughts that I’d rather not be here. At least I don’t have plans! I am safe, for all of you who are starting to worry. 

I don’t want to be this way anymore. Bipolar sucks!

3 responses to “No New Med Changes!

  1. It doesn’t leave us alone, but we sure as hell can slap a prong collar on it and get it to heel. My issue right now is sleep and hyper focus. I am getting a little obsessive about some things and neglectful of others. The lesson: If I start a habit it is hard to break so I need better habits to start with. But as we both know – sleep is what makes or breaks this damn illness. No sleep means no medication will really work all that well. I have my down times too. I have learned that I can’t do a thing about it but struggle through the days until it goes away. And yes, the same thoughts you have come with the package.

    One day at a time my fellow two people in one!

    • Love that! Two people in one!
      I’m not sure I’ve got a prong collar on mine yet, but moving in that direction at least. It’s a real success that the meds might be figured out (crosses fingers).
      I’ve been very rigid with my sleep times too, something that may have helped. It’s a hard discipline to start, especially for me when my husband doesn’t get home until late and I go to bed an hour or two later. 😦 But it’s been important for my health and I have to take that into account much more than before I knew I had this illness.
      Regular exercise is also really important. Sadly, I’m one of those people who has never experienced endorphins when I work out, no matter how hard or long. Just the satisfaction that I did it. I think it’s the endorphins that are supposed to help. But the regular schedule is Very Helpful.

  2. good for you…that’s a big+…~mkg

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