Stress. Stress sucks. Stress has now contributed to mood instability for a while, with today being a breaking point. Just too much physical pain combined with personal, family and work stress. Nothing over the top by itself – well, one is – but all combined I’m overwhelmed.
I want to check out. I need a break. What I probably need is a vacation, not a hospital stay. But vacation is out of the question financially.
It’s not that I’m trying to work myself up to the point that I need to be hospitalized. It’s more that I’m paying attention to signals and trying to utilize skills to defuse or tolerate painful emotions so that I’m not at the point of thinking death is the only option. It’s hard not to think it’s an option when life feels so stressful and there is no way to lessen the stressors. Sometimes life just sucks. I get that. I’ve known that deep in my bones for a very long time. Since bipolar blossomed and took over my life, deep depression and inability to see a way out sends me anxiously to the hospital for suicidal ideation when I get so overwhelmed.
So – how do I reduce stress? How do I find options so that I don’t think there ARE no options? Life’s stress is overwhelming right now. Breathing, mindfulness, tolerating distress, using rational responses – these are not getting at the root causes and essentially are band-aid approaches to get through painful moments. Not denigrating them, and there are times and places for them, especially when emotions are running high over normal life stresses. Life stressors are WAAAYYY too much right now, by anyone’s standards. I need help.