I am Deb’s Bipolar.
Like the Genie from Aladdin, I have phenomenal cosmic powers (making mania and depression believable to her) but itty, bitty living space (neurotransmitters and brain connections). In this teeny space also reside my friends Anxiety and OCD. While powerful in and of themselves, I, Bipolar, am the one to be feared! They can trigger me into one of my dangerous moods.
See, if I get triggered – or just want to do it – then I can spiral Deb down into suicidal depression, or I can spiral her up into mania that brings reckless behavior. I know you wish you had that much power over a person’s behavior! What’s funny is that all I have to do is adjust the mood. When I destabilize her mood, Deb isn’t able to make rational decisions as easily. That’s when it gets fun! Either flirting with death by her own hand, or flirting with death with reckless behavior that can hurt others in the process.
Poor me. I haven’t had a fun manic experience in years now. Stupid psych meds, psychiatrists, therapists and support systems! Also because of them, I also haven’t been able to make Deb attempt suicide. That’s what I really want, in truth. I am Bipolar! I cause early deaths!
(Giggle) I have a secret weapon. Anxiety! I can summon him at any point in my many moods and let him take over. “Worry, fret, fear the future! Fear that you might follow the thoughts!” says Anxiety. I think Anxiety loves the power of pushing Deb into a cycle of worry and fear that never ends. OCD loves that! She waltzes in and turns the cycle into an obsession. And, the best part, OCD turns the fear into these visions of ways to kill yourself as an out to all the suffering from mood changes and anxiety.
Don’t you love how I can manipulate Deb’s thoughts and feelings just from changing up some neurotransmitters? And summoning up Anxiety and OCD is brilliant! They are mental illnesses in their own right, but I, Bipolar, have the power to make them worse! And once they’re in effect, they enhance my ability to destabilize mood. A vicious circle.
Deb has no power when I’m around. So back off, support system! You can’t convince her otherwise.