Hospital Diaries – Feb 12

Horrible day yesterday. Angry, irritated, upset, crying, violent inside. Struggled with urges to tip/throw furniture, hurt people. So unlike me. Finally go doc to discontinue the drug and he’ll see me today. Meanwhile I’m knocked up on xanax. So lightheaded and tired, as well as impulsive. The benzo just make the thoughts and urges slower, not gone.

Woke up today still feeling angry and irritated but with fewer urges. That’s how  yesterday started too, so my antennae are up.

Saw dr. So I’ve been having a hypomanic episode – same as when on SNRI’s. A fast flip to a new mood. I still want to be destructive, even though I’m coming down. He thinks I might have something with my thyroid and will do extra blood tests, then treat. Got ok from primary care doc to treat thyroid, if that’s what the depression is. A stimulant might do it to. But I have to be off the MAOI first.

BIG HEAVING SIGH!

I hate my life

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3 responses to “Hospital Diaries – Feb 12

  1. My husband developed a hyper-parathyroid and after outpatient surgery experienced some relief of symptoms. I know it’s not the same thing, but I suppose my point is that maybe the thyroid thing is actually something and not just chasing clouds… and I also know that it is incredibly difficult to wait a long time for meds to take effect, and then wait a while for them to *stop* taking effect… NONE of this is easy. Breathe. Take those big sighs. Thinking of you…

  2. Saved as a favorite, I really like your web site!

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