Days in the Life – Not Up to Par, But OK

I haven’t written in a while because my days are dictated by a new routine and brainstorming solutions to a new health problem.

ellipticalI am exercising 5 days a week – 3 days in the pool, 2 on an elliptical. My care team reminds me that first and foremost reason I’m doing this exercise is for my mental health, and weight loss is secondary. I tend to think of it more as the routine is for my mental health, and the movement is for weight loss. I do not feel, nor have I ever felt, endorphins after exercise, no matter how hard or how long I exercise.

But I have a medical problem with the exercise. My lungs and windpipe hurt after a work out. I have asthma and it is completely controlled except for exercising. I’ve been taking albuterol before I exercise and it only helps sometimes. My current pulmonologist thinks bariatric surgery will help. Um, what??? How will that help my windpipe??? He had already referred me to a cardiologist for pulmonary hypertension, which we discovered I Do Not Have after an invasive angiogram.

So, I’m getting a second opinion. I’d like to workout to capacity and not have to take the intensity down several notches so that I don’t cause an incident with my lungs. Dealing with this medical issue (since mid-May) has taken an awful lot of mental energy, increased my anxiety, made me scared to exercise because I could hurt my lungs. All that’s not helping my mood, really.

Meanwhile in MoodLand, I had a plunge in mood in mid-June, two weeks after a change in meds. Called psychiatrist and upped one med back to where we started and I seem to be better now. I see her today for a check-up. I’m doing better, but I am having trouble with mood with having enough to do each day to keep my mind active even though I feel like my mind has its arms tied behind its back with the difficulty in memory, focus and concentration. I need more social interaction too. Taking exercise classes helps with social activity, but those are very superficial conversations – not the kind of real social interaction I crave. Intellectual stimulation and social interaction – crucial for my mood stability. I’ve applied to volunteer a few places. Starting over with work-related activities to see if that will help on both accounts.

So, I’m mostly stable, but still room for improvement. Overall, a decent place I think.


3 responses to “Days in the Life – Not Up to Par, But OK

  1. Of course you don’t feel endorphins after you exercise. Because endorphins are a lie! Keep on keeping on!

  2. I can relate to the feeling of ‘coping’ but not ‘strong, strong’. I think it can be many people’s experience after a low patch. I can also relate to the mundane conversations of the gym and changing room when a good deep heart to heart and a laugh are probably as therapeutic as the exercise. I suspect that there will be other people at the gym feeling the same way! Quite possible! I joined a gym to socialise – but it didn’t really happen. Even when I went to Yoga, everyone waited quietly and left quietly. It bemused me a bit really. I joined a therapeutic drama group and I’ve been going for 6 years now. We laugh so much … in fact, so much that we have only done one performance in that time …. it’s not Am’Dram’ at all and that’s why I love it. We explore so much of of our thoughts and feelings, the week, our hopes, our fears. We have become very close. I think that groups like that tend to build strong relationships. Take care, Catherine Neish

    • Thanks, Catherine! I’m definitely on the lookout for groups such as you found. Been trying a lot of groups, but no luck so far. Not giving up yet!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s